Conversation Topics To Avoid On A First Date
This is another blog post in a series of guest posts. Our guest blogger, Carly Spindel of Carly's Dating Chronicles, is on a mission to change people’s perspectives of the dating game.
The Ex Files
When your date asks you out, he wants to know all about you. He doesn’t want to hear about your ex’s. Yes, they are a part of who you are. But you don’t need to speak about them on a date. How would you feel if you went on a date with a guy who talked about all of his ex’s? I know I wouldn’t want to go out with him again!
Money
Money is something that should never be brought up on a first date or in the beginning of the relationship. Asking a man how much money he makes is sure to scare him away. Likewise, talking about your salary isn’t a good idea either. Money is a bit of an awkward subject, so it’s wise to avoid it completely.
The Future
Women are future thinkers. We love to plan and talk about what’s going to happen in years to come. I know I love to daydream about where I’m going to live when I move in with my non-existent boyfriend. But I don’t share that with the people that I’m dating. I keep my future thinking to myself, and you should too. Future planning is something that men, not women, should bring up.
Marriage And Children
Most women love the idea of marriage. They can’t wait to get married and start a family. It’s a known fact because it’s how we were programmed. However, there are very few men that wake up each day and tell someone how excited they are to get married and have children. Marriage and having children are two steps that men take, when they feel the time is right. Talking about such things on a first date is likely make a man run in the other direction.
Love at a Crossroads
While out to dinner recently, the group I was dining with included a couple who were experiencing relationship gridlock. Somewhere around her second margarita, the woman in the relationship announced that she was tired of waiting for her boyfriend to produce an engagement ring.
The couple has been together for five years, and living together for the last four. She told us that she is very much ready to get married, but he is dragging his feet. She even went into detail about what the ring should look like – the cut, carat size, and style. Frustrated after years of waiting for him to be ready to take the next step, she also told us how she really wanted to have children in the next couple of years. Meanwhile, her boyfriend looked like he wanted to disappear under the table. This girl had their future all planned out, but her man didn’t seem to be on the same page.
This got me thinking… how could this couple have possibly avoided this situation?
First, it’s important to have some really honest conversations with your partner before deciding to move in together. Do you expect to get married someday? Does the other person feel the same? What is a reasonable timeline of that happening? Do you agree on the issue of having children and when? How will you handle splitting household finances and chores? Ask those tough questions, and be willing to hold off on moving in together if you can’t agree on the issues that are important to you.
Don’t assume you can just deal with these issues later, because the longer you spend with someone and the more your lives intertwine, the more painful it will be if things don’t work out. It’s also a mistake to move in together thinking that your partner will change their mind later on an issue you don’t agree on, such as wanting to get married. You deserve to have everything you want out of a relationship, and you shouldn’t have to convince someone to give you that.
