Conversation Topics To Avoid On A First Date
This is another blog post in a series of guest posts. Our guest blogger, Carly Spindel of Carly's Dating Chronicles, is on a mission to change people’s perspectives of the dating game.
The Ex Files
When your date asks you out, he wants to know all about you. He doesn’t want to hear about your ex’s. Yes, they are a part of who you are. But you don’t need to speak about them on a date. How would you feel if you went on a date with a guy who talked about all of his ex’s? I know I wouldn’t want to go out with him again!
Money
Money is something that should never be brought up on a first date or in the beginning of the relationship. Asking a man how much money he makes is sure to scare him away. Likewise, talking about your salary isn’t a good idea either. Money is a bit of an awkward subject, so it’s wise to avoid it completely.
The Future
Women are future thinkers. We love to plan and talk about what’s going to happen in years to come. I know I love to daydream about where I’m going to live when I move in with my non-existent boyfriend. But I don’t share that with the people that I’m dating. I keep my future thinking to myself, and you should too. Future planning is something that men, not women, should bring up.
Marriage And Children
Most women love the idea of marriage. They can’t wait to get married and start a family. It’s a known fact because it’s how we were programmed. However, there are very few men that wake up each day and tell someone how excited they are to get married and have children. Marriage and having children are two steps that men take, when they feel the time is right. Talking about such things on a first date is likely make a man run in the other direction.
Guest Post: How Long Should We Talk Before We Meet?
This is the first in a series of guest posts. Our first guest blogger, Carly Spindel of Carly's Dating Chronicles, is on a mission to change people’s perspectives of the dating game.
I’m a big believer in not talking very often before you meet. If you spend hours talking on the phone, your conversation in person will be strained. Some people want to find out all the little details about each other before they meet, but that isn’t necessary. Attraction speaks for itself. You can spend 6 hours on the phone every night for a week and think that you will get along great. But if you meet and there’s no attraction, all that phone time will be wasted.
My advice is to keep the talking to a minimum and just meet. It makes it more exciting to find out the intricate details about each other face to face. I also like to put a face to a name. I don’t like hearing someone’s voice and not knowing what they look like.
Don’t be afraid of a blind date. Blind dates are adventurous. Before I go on a date, I don’t believe in having lengthy phone conversations. Sure, I appreciate a phone call to set up the plans, but I make sure to keep it just that. I don’t ask the man how his day was and what he did this past weekend. I find out the time and location and tell him that I’m looking forward to our date. This way, if he isn’t a big talker, I know I have something to ask him in person. If he is a big talker, then you’re connection will be real, and not exist over the phone.
Technology has taken over the world and with email, texting, skype, and blackberry messenger, there’s always a way to communicate without meeting face to face. I suggest being daring and not talking too much before you meet.
Guest Post: One’s Company
Dr. Colleen Long is the author of “Happiness in B.A.L.A.N.C.E,” and practices in the Los Angeles area under the supervision of Dr. Richard Oelberger (PSY22186) . Dr. Long works mainly from a positive psychology framework as it applies to addiction, depression, relationships, body image and weight loss. She is also a featured writer on onlinedatingsites.net.
I used to be a serial monogamist. I was in three relationships from the time I was 14 until the time I was 24. For ten solid years, I dated three men. I was comfortably happy with the knowledge that no matter what I was working towards in my life, there was always someone back at home, waiting on me to watch our favorite show, or go out and eat our favorite food.
Around the age of 24, I spread my wings and was exhilarated with the new found freedom I had. I joined match.com, I went on double-dates, blind-dates, and flirted with anyone who had a Y chromosome. I think I even looked twice at the guy who checked our energy meter.
This lasted for about a year, and then I was ready to go back inside the cave. Again, I wanted the comfort that a relationship provided. I began to grow frustrated with my attempts to find love again, and as the age of 27 approached, I grew scared that might never happen.
Recently, I found what I thought was “the one.” We had a whirlwind European romance and I traveled the world with my new found companion. It was romantic and lovely, new and exciting, and I hoped it would never end. Eventually, I realized my little tinkerpoo didn’t have any money, a job, or even a car, and came to the sad reality that maybe it wasn’t me he was lusting after at all, but my bank account that had captured his heart. To make a long story short, tinkerpoo was carrying out a double life in England with an ex-girlfriend, which I discovered before almost signing a two year contract to buy my little unemployed lothario an iPhone.
In the depths of my devastation, a close friend said “You have to learn to be alone. You have to give yourself some time to just be ok with you.” I looked at her as if she just told me that she started eating dog food and offered me to try some. I thought this to be a preposterous idea. How many people have justified wasting their lives away with that line?
Yet, through no choice of my own- I did this. Now believe me, I fought with every inch of my might. I sent thinly veiled texts to guys who are only cute after a few ketel and gingers, when the hour glass on my Saturday started to waste away. I accepted dates from guys who I knew were not the ones but “maybe they had cute friends?” I thought. However, there were still those nights that I sat alone, reading my US weekly and contemplating what kind of cats I would get and what breeds would look best, juxtaposed against my plastic-protected floral sofa.
Suddenly, those nights at home didn’t seem so threatening. When I was on a bad date, I didn’t try to extend it just because I didn’t want to go home. When I was on a good date, I didn’t panic every time he looked at his watch. My demeanor changed. Instead of projecting an aura of desperation and hunger, I felt a sense of calm. Knowing, that regardless of whether this person decided to stay or go, I would be just fine either way.
