Set For Marriage on the news in Lexington, KY!
Lexington KY 11/23/09 SetForMarriage Interview from Brad Boyd on Vimeo.
Trust in Relationships
One of the best things about a healthy relationship is having trust – knowing that person has your back and is loyal to you. No meaningful relationship can really thrive and survive without trust. Trust is like the foundation of your house, upon which all other aspects of the relationship will build.
As the author Walter Anderson wrote, “We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” If you have trust issues in your relationship, take a step back and evaluate yourself and your partner.
First and foremost, make sure you are worthy of the trust of your partner. If you lie, cheat, or steal, it is not fair for you to expect honesty and loyalty from someone else.
If you find it difficult to trust someone, think about how you have been treated in the past and how you may have been affected by those relationships. Perhaps someone in your life mistreated you, and you on some level expect anyone else who comes into your life to do the same. You need to find a way to leave that baggage behind if you are ever to have a healthy relationship in your future. Don’t project your disappointment from the past onto a new relationship, because this won’t allow you to open your mind and your heart to a positive experience.
A good mantra to follow is to trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Listen to your intuition when it comes to trusting someone. Does something they say or the way they act set off a warning bell in your mind? Don’t dismiss this feeling, because you will usually find that your gut feeling was correct.
First Date – Who Pays?
The answer to this question is not as clear as it once was. Once upon a time, the man would almost always pay for a first date. Today, the dating world is a very different place.
A good rule of thumb to follow is whoever asked for the date should pay. If the man has asked the woman out on the date, he should pay. In this case it is polite for the woman to offer to pay, but the man should refuse.
If the two of you continue to see each other, going Dutch or switching off who pays the bill is fair.
Getting Along With the Friends
Entering into a relationship with someone involves experiencing that person’s world and finding your place in it – their daily routine, favorite hangouts, television shows, family, and friends. Comingling your life with someone else’s can be challenging enough, but what if you don’t like one (or more!) or your new partner’s friends? Your guy or gal has had these relationships for a long time before you came into the picture, so you’ll need to cope if you want your relationship to survive. You don't have to adore all of his or her friends, but it is important to make the best of the situation.
First, try not to judge too soon. Many people don’t make a good first impression, but once you get to know them better your opinion may change. Your mate’s friend may have underlying reasons in the beginning for not getting along with you in the beginning, such as being protective of their friend or seeing you as a threat to their football watching party every Sunday. Hang in there.
Also, make an attempt to find common ground with this person. Spend some time talking together if you can, and you may find a way to better get along. Maybe you share a particular interest or have the same wicked sense of humor.
Make sure you give your new partner space to hang out with his or her friends without you tagging along every time. This lets both of them know that you are not trying to come between them, as well as sending the message to your partner that you understand that friendships are important. As a bonus, you won’t have to spend as much time with this person whose company you don’t enjoy.
Whatever you do, do not try to pull your partner away from this friend. This plan usually backfires, or at the very least strains your relationship and prevents any peaceful coexistence between you and the friend.
Of course, this advice does not apply if your significant other’s friend is someone you feel unsafe around, or is breaking the law, or anything else that puts either of you in danger. If this is the case, you may need to have a serious talk with your partner and perhaps question whether you need to be a part of this circle of friends at all. They say birds of a feather flock together, so if you think your mate’s close friend is a bad person, your current Mr. or Ms. Perfect may not be so perfect after all.
Single for the Holidays
Judging from the Christmas decorations that are already flooding the stores, the holidays are upon us. Being single for the holidays can be a tough time, especially soon after a breakup. So let’s remember some of the reasons why it can be a good thing to be flying solo this season.
First, if you don’t have a significant other, you don’t have to spend hours browsing online or wandering aimlessly through stores trying to find the perfect gift for them. Be your own love of your life this holiday season and buy yourself something that you love!
Next, having a partner often means splitting time between your families or having to choose one place to visit. This situation is often hard to manage, and it’s always a bummer to have to miss out on your mom’s famous chestnut stuffing. As a free agent you have the freedom to spend the holidays with whomever you’d like.
Last but not least, the holidays are a great time to meet a potential love interest. This is a festive time full of parties, company events, and New Year’s Eve bashes. Who knows who you may find yourself standing with under the mistletoe? Say yes to every invitation that you can, then get out there and enjoy yourself!
Create a Profile Username That Works for You
The username you choose for your profile serves as your identity on SetForMarriage.com, so it should represent you well. A username is often the first thing people notice as they are browsing profiles, so choose one that will help your profile look attractive and get noticed.
One option is to choose a name that tells something unique about you, whether it’s a skill you possess, an activity you enjoy, or a place you love. Pique their interest with your love for salsa dancing, your green thumb, or your many-stamped passport. Try to choose a name that is somewhat original, because usernames like “niceguy” and “fungirl” don’t really stand out from the crowd.
Make sure to use correct spelling, and choose a username that is relatively short, easy to say and remember. Keep your name positive, avoiding words like lonely and broken heart. People are drawn to positive people, so starting things out with a negative tone will limit your dating options.
Also, avoid sexually explicit names, which do not convey the impression that you are set for marriage. To protect your privacy, avoid using your real name or a name you use elsewhere on the internet. It’s best to keep your real identity to yourself until you have decided to trust someone you have gotten to know.
50 First Date Ideas
Are you stuck in a rut going to dinner and a movie on every first date? Here are 50 other ideas for that all-important first outing that will broaden your first date horizons.
- Go to a local art, science, or history museum
- Have an Italian picnic with wine, cheese, bread, and olives
- Visit the zoo
- Go bowling
- Attend a festival
- Have a champagne brunch
- Attend a local event such as a fundraising party, gallery opening, or a grand opening party
- Go to an amusement park
- Go for a bike ride
- See a play or a musical
- Take a cooking class
- See a local band perform
- Go to a frozen yogurt or ice cream shop
- Play miniature golf
- Go to the aquarium
- Visit a new restaurant for lunch
- Visit a farmers market
- Hang out at a park
- Go to a dinner theater
- Have drinks at a bar or restaurant
- Visit a botanical garden
- Take a wine tasting class
- Play Frisbee golf
- Go dancing
- Attend a sporting event
- Go to a flea market
- Create art together at a make-your-own pottery studio
- Go ice skating
- Visit a local tourist attraction
- Take a walk
- See a matinee
- Attend a book reading or poetry reading
- Play tennis
- Volunteer together
- Visit a coffee shop
- Go to the ballet or opera house
- Go for a hike
- Go horseback riding
- Visit a winery or brewery
- Go to a racetrack
- Fly kites
- Rent a canoe or paddleboat
- Take a painting class
- Hang out at the beach
- Visit a planetarium
- Play pool
- Visit an arcade
- See a comedy show
- Play bingo
- Go roller skating
Flowers Never Go Out of Style
A flower's appeal is in its contradictions - so delicate in form yet strong in fragrance, so small in size yet big in beauty, so short in life yet long on effect. ~Adabella Radici
Gentlemen, when was the last time you bought flowers for the special woman in your life? Whether it is a first date or your wife of twenty years, giving your sweetheart flowers is a classic romantic gesture that shows her you care. For a small amount of money, you can make her day.
I’ve heard some men say that they would rather give a woman a practical gift than a bouquet of roses, but flowers have a purpose that has nothing to do with utility. Flowers look and smell beautiful, and they make a woman feel special and appreciated.
If you are bringing flowers to your first date, or someone you don’t know that well yet, don’t intimidate them with a dozen roses or a massive arrangement. A few daisies or a small seasonal bouquet is more appropriate.
Don’t just buy her flowers for special occasions. Surprise her with a bouquet just because, to let her know that she was on your mind when you were apart.
Lessons Learned From a Bad First Date
A friend of mine recently went on a pretty miserable first date, and I thought I’d share her bad experience to point out some dating don’ts. You might also get a few laughs out of the story like I did.
She met the man at a bar, and they barely talked to each other before her friends made her give him her number. While talking on the phone later that week, he asked her to dinner. He insisted on picking her up, and she relented after he insisted.
Once he picked her up for their date, he told her he had forgotten his wallet and would she mind if they stopped at his house to pick it up. She didn’t feel comfortable with this since she barely knew him, but said ok anyway. He then gave her the tour of his house, and at this point she knew this was no love match. His living room and bedroom were covered in Star Wars posters and action figures, much like Andy in “The 40 Year-Old Virgin.” Now, I understand there are some ladies out there who would not be bothered by this, but my friend is not one of them.
Next, the two shared an awkward dinner at a chain restaurant. They did not have much in common, and she was ready to call it a night. Instead, he insisted they go to his favorite karaoke bar. Since she is much nicer than I am, she finally agreed when he wouldn’t let it go. Remember, he was her ride so she felt stuck. The karaoke bar was even more painful than dinner. He sang bad song after bad song with little talent and even less personality, hardly sitting with her at all.
Finally, my friend’s bad night was going to end. When they arrived at her place, he shifted the gear to park and asked if he could kiss her. She told him that she doesn’t kiss on the first date (a little white lie), thanked him for the evening, and tried not to sprint to her door.
What can we learn from this dating disaster?
- Meet your first date at a public place if you don’t know them well. It’s a lot easier and safer to get out of bad situations if you have your own transportation.
- Never go to someone’s house on a first date. You could find yourself in an unsafe predicament, and you might learn too much too soon about your date.
- Let your freak flag fly by all means, but it’s better to share it once you know someone better.
- On a date, pay attention to verbal and nonverbal communication. If your date doesn’t seem interested in continuing the date, don’t try to pressure the person. You are not going to pressure someone into liking you.
- Don’t put on a performance on a first date, and force your date to watch you for an extended period of time. A first date is for getting to know each other as people, not performers.
- Gentlemen, don’t ask a woman for a first kiss. This is a big turn-off. A woman will let you know with her body language if she wants a kiss, so tune in to how she responds to you and go from there.
- Dating is an awkward adventure, and most of us have to endure some bad dates between the really good ones. Keep a sense of humor about it all, and have fun out there!
