M.I.A.
I realize that lately some of you have missed reading a new blog entry every week, so I wanted to explain why I have not been writing as often. It just so happens that I am “set for marriage” and am planning my wedding. I knew this undertaking would be a lot of work, but I had no idea just how much!
From hunting for bridesmaid dresses to going to cake and flower appointments to spending way too many hours on wedding websites, planning my wedding has taken up most of my spare time. So, until the big day arrives in May you might not see a blog every week but I will do my best to write as often as possible!
Valentine’s Day
When you’re single, Valentine’s Day can be the most annoying holiday. The cheesy tokens of affection littering the aisles of the grocery store turn your stomach and you’re inundated with commercials implying that you’re not really loved unless someone buys you a diamond necklace. Retailers have turned the day into a big marketing ploy, creating a multi-billion dollar industry hawking everything from cards to flowers to stuffed teddy bears. If you find yourself without a special someone with whom to share this holiday, remember what Valentine’s Day is really about and that it is not just for lovers!
Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to reflect on the love you do have in your life, from your parents to your good friends, even your loyal terrier napping at your feet. This is the day to express your love for those who support you in life and who make living in this crazy world a little easier. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world, and we should celebrate and appreciate it more often in all its forms. This Valentine’s Day, tell those you love how much they mean to you.
Also, don’t forget to be your own love of your life this Valentine’s Day. Show some love to yourself this holiday by treating yourself to a massage, some chocolate-covered strawberries (my favorite), or any little indulgence that puts a smile on your face.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
5 Signs a Woman Is Interested in You
Men can have a difficult time being able to tell when a woman likes them. When you’re talking to a woman who piques your interest, how can you tell if she is interested in you? Pay attention to the following signs that will tell you whether your feelings are reciprocated.
1. She lingers.
If you’re talking to her, and she is not leaving your side after a couple of minutes, she probably wants to get to know you better. When a woman is not interested in a man, she will usually find a reason to walk away. However, if she’s looking bored, she may not be interested but doesn’t know how to exit the situation.
2. She acts nervous
When a woman really likes a man, she gets excited and has nervous energy that is tough to hide. This nervous energy takes the form of fidgeting, not being able to keep still, or talking faster than normal. Look for these subtle hints when you’re talking to a woman.
3. She has open body language
Body language speaks volumes, so pay attention to how a woman is communicating with you without words. Signs of interest include positioning her body to face you directly, smiling and making eye contact, mirroring your actions, or playing with her hair. Some signs that she’s not so interested include crossing her arms across her chest, not making much eye contact, and turning away from you.
4. She asks you questions
When a woman finds you attractive, she will want to find out lots of information about you to see if she wants to get to know you better. If she’s peppering you with questions, she’s probably interested in you.
5. She gets close to you
If she likes you, a woman wants to be physically close to you. She will stand or sit in close proximity to you, and may find excuses to touch your arm or back.
Cough, Sniffle, Love
We are in the middle of cold and flu season - illness is spreading like wildfire at the office, my nails are in a horrible state from the excessive hand washing and hand sanitizer use, and I wasn’t lucky enough to escape the bug this season. I don’t enjoy January. However, let’s look on the bright side of the season. If you’re seeing someone new, getting sick can be a great litmus test for your relationship.
The first time you’re stuck in bed feeling and looking miserable and your love interest brings over your favorite miso soup, some movies, and a stack of trashy magazines, you know this one’s a keeper. This person shows that he cares about you, and is willing to show up when you are not going to be much fun.
If we’re considering a person for a long term relationship, most of us want someone who will take care of us down the line when we have surgery, give birth, or even have to deal with a serious illness. So, take note of how they deal with smaller situations now, because it’s a good preview to how they will handle the big stuff down the line.
Don’t Forget Your Friends
Many of us have had a friend who has virtually disappeared once he or she got into a relationship. Maybe we have been that person who spends so much time in couple-land that we have neglected our friends.
It can be easy to get wrapped up in a new relationship and to let other relationships fall by the wayside. You’re in the time warp of new love, you want to be around this person as much as possible, and nothing else seems to really matter. Well, your friendships do matter. Make an effort to come up for air and spend some time with your friends.
Sometimes a man just needs time with the guys, and a woman needs some girl time with her ladies. Of course you can bring your partner along to spend time with your friends and vice versa, but every so often your friends want to see you without your other half. You will also have more to talk about with your mate if you each have separate social experiences.
Most people stay attracted to someone who is independent and does not rely on them to fulfill all of their social needs. It can feel like too much of a burden if your partner never has any other plans but to hang out with you, and it gets boring pretty quickly. Call up your friends and let someone have a chance to miss you!
Love and Sacrifice
Last night on the new season of “The Bachelor” the host asked the bachelor Jake, who is a pilot and loves to fly for fun, if he would give up flying if he fell in love with a woman who didn’t like airplanes. Jake said yes, he would choose love over flying if he had to pick one. He had the look of a little boy whose puppy just ran away and he was surely just saying what he thought we wanted to hear, but it brings up an interesting question. Is it really worth it to give up a passion of yours for love?
In my opinion, you should not have to give up your favorite hobby just because your mate doesn’t like it. This of course excludes anything that harms yourself or others, is illegal, or just plain stupid. If you had this passion before you two got together, then your new partner should accept your hobby as part of the deal. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you just the way you are? If you were to quit this passion of yours, you will just end up resenting your partner.
However, spending too much time on a hobby can strain a relationship. We often spend more time and money on a hobby when we are single, and may need to cut back a little when we enter into a relationship. If you spend all day playing video games (and you’re not a video game producer), you’re probably going to have a tough time holding on to relationships. Make sure you invest enough energy in activities that you and your partner can enjoy together.
New Year’s Resolutions
The ball will soon be dropping in Times Square, silly New Year’s hats and noisemakers are ready to go, and everyone’s looking for their kiss at midnight. It’s time to make some New Year’s resolutions for your love life, so 2010 can be your most successful dating year yet.
Here are a few resolutions that you could try on for size…
1. I will define what I want in a partner and from a relationship, and evaluate potential partners against these standards I have set for myself.
2. I will not worry about the fact that I haven’t yet found “the one”, but rather focus on becoming the best person I can be when “the one” comes along.
3. I will not dwell on my failed relationships from the past, nor will I continue to try fixing old romances or toxic relationships that will never work out.
4. I will not waste my time with love interests who do not treat me with honesty and respect.
5. I will try to say yes to every invitation I receive, so that I can meet new people and have new experiences.
6. I will work on improving my health so that I can be a happier and healthier person who attracts happy and healthy potential dates.
7. I will keep an open mind and give a chance to some potential dates who aren’t my normal type.
Here's to a Happy New Year full of love and possibilities!!
I Like You… Let’s Talk in January
The holidays can be an awkward time to start dating someone new. Some of my single friends are waiting out the holidays so they don’t have to deal with the pressure on themselves or others. For instance…
Do you buy someone you have gone out with a few times a gift, and how much should you spend?
Do you invite that person to your company party, and if so, how do you introduce them?
At what point in a relationship do you visit each other’s families for the holidays?
Should you plan to spend New Year’s Eve with this person, or would you rather have the option to kiss someone else at midnight?
See, there can be a whole lot of relationship-defining situations thrown at you this time of year that may strain a fragile new connection. I understand why many singles avoid dating during this time of year, but it certainly is possible to navigate these obstacles.
Do what feels right and just go with the flow. Don’t try to rush things or pressure the other person to include you in their holidays. Most importantly of all, relax and have fun.
Happy holidays, everyone!
Love at a Crossroads
While out to dinner recently, the group I was dining with included a couple who were experiencing relationship gridlock. Somewhere around her second margarita, the woman in the relationship announced that she was tired of waiting for her boyfriend to produce an engagement ring.
The couple has been together for five years, and living together for the last four. She told us that she is very much ready to get married, but he is dragging his feet. She even went into detail about what the ring should look like – the cut, carat size, and style. Frustrated after years of waiting for him to be ready to take the next step, she also told us how she really wanted to have children in the next couple of years. Meanwhile, her boyfriend looked like he wanted to disappear under the table. This girl had their future all planned out, but her man didn’t seem to be on the same page.
This got me thinking… how could this couple have possibly avoided this situation?
First, it’s important to have some really honest conversations with your partner before deciding to move in together. Do you expect to get married someday? Does the other person feel the same? What is a reasonable timeline of that happening? Do you agree on the issue of having children and when? How will you handle splitting household finances and chores? Ask those tough questions, and be willing to hold off on moving in together if you can’t agree on the issues that are important to you.
Don’t assume you can just deal with these issues later, because the longer you spend with someone and the more your lives intertwine, the more painful it will be if things don’t work out. It’s also a mistake to move in together thinking that your partner will change their mind later on an issue you don’t agree on, such as wanting to get married. You deserve to have everything you want out of a relationship, and you shouldn’t have to convince someone to give you that.
Saying Goodbye
Ending a relationship is probably the most heart-wrenching and depressing aspect of dating, and is difficult for those on both sides of the breakup. While a breakup is a painful process, there are some things you can do to make the end of the relationship better for both of you.
First, don’t procrastinate. If you have thought this through and you’re sure that you need to move on, it’s better to act sooner than later. Also, don’t start acting like a jerk or pick a fight so that your partner will break up with you and save you the guilt.
This should go without saying, but have this conversation in person. In my opinion, anyone with who you have had more than a few dates deserves the respect of a face-to-face talk. Also, you should avoid doing this in a public place if possible.
Be honest, but not brutal. Let the other person know the reasons why you two aren’t working out. You don’t, however, need to list every little thing about them that bothers you. This isn’t a mission to destroy their self-esteem, but a way to help them understand the situation and to perhaps help them in their next relationship.
Once you have said your piece, allow your partner to voice his or her feelings. Listen to their concerns and address their questions.
In general, treat this person who has been an intimate part of your life with the same respect and care that you would expect to receive.
