New Year’s Resolutions
The ball will soon be dropping in Times Square, silly New Year’s hats and noisemakers are ready to go, and everyone’s looking for their kiss at midnight. It’s time to make some New Year’s resolutions for your love life, so 2010 can be your most successful dating year yet.
Here are a few resolutions that you could try on for size…
1. I will define what I want in a partner and from a relationship, and evaluate potential partners against these standards I have set for myself.
2. I will not worry about the fact that I haven’t yet found “the one”, but rather focus on becoming the best person I can be when “the one” comes along.
3. I will not dwell on my failed relationships from the past, nor will I continue to try fixing old romances or toxic relationships that will never work out.
4. I will not waste my time with love interests who do not treat me with honesty and respect.
5. I will try to say yes to every invitation I receive, so that I can meet new people and have new experiences.
6. I will work on improving my health so that I can be a happier and healthier person who attracts happy and healthy potential dates.
7. I will keep an open mind and give a chance to some potential dates who aren’t my normal type.
Here's to a Happy New Year full of love and possibilities!!
I Like You… Let’s Talk in January
The holidays can be an awkward time to start dating someone new. Some of my single friends are waiting out the holidays so they don’t have to deal with the pressure on themselves or others. For instance…
Do you buy someone you have gone out with a few times a gift, and how much should you spend?
Do you invite that person to your company party, and if so, how do you introduce them?
At what point in a relationship do you visit each other’s families for the holidays?
Should you plan to spend New Year’s Eve with this person, or would you rather have the option to kiss someone else at midnight?
See, there can be a whole lot of relationship-defining situations thrown at you this time of year that may strain a fragile new connection. I understand why many singles avoid dating during this time of year, but it certainly is possible to navigate these obstacles.
Do what feels right and just go with the flow. Don’t try to rush things or pressure the other person to include you in their holidays. Most importantly of all, relax and have fun.
Happy holidays, everyone!
Love at a Crossroads
While out to dinner recently, the group I was dining with included a couple who were experiencing relationship gridlock. Somewhere around her second margarita, the woman in the relationship announced that she was tired of waiting for her boyfriend to produce an engagement ring.
The couple has been together for five years, and living together for the last four. She told us that she is very much ready to get married, but he is dragging his feet. She even went into detail about what the ring should look like – the cut, carat size, and style. Frustrated after years of waiting for him to be ready to take the next step, she also told us how she really wanted to have children in the next couple of years. Meanwhile, her boyfriend looked like he wanted to disappear under the table. This girl had their future all planned out, but her man didn’t seem to be on the same page.
This got me thinking… how could this couple have possibly avoided this situation?
First, it’s important to have some really honest conversations with your partner before deciding to move in together. Do you expect to get married someday? Does the other person feel the same? What is a reasonable timeline of that happening? Do you agree on the issue of having children and when? How will you handle splitting household finances and chores? Ask those tough questions, and be willing to hold off on moving in together if you can’t agree on the issues that are important to you.
Don’t assume you can just deal with these issues later, because the longer you spend with someone and the more your lives intertwine, the more painful it will be if things don’t work out. It’s also a mistake to move in together thinking that your partner will change their mind later on an issue you don’t agree on, such as wanting to get married. You deserve to have everything you want out of a relationship, and you shouldn’t have to convince someone to give you that.
Saying Goodbye
Ending a relationship is probably the most heart-wrenching and depressing aspect of dating, and is difficult for those on both sides of the breakup. While a breakup is a painful process, there are some things you can do to make the end of the relationship better for both of you.
First, don’t procrastinate. If you have thought this through and you’re sure that you need to move on, it’s better to act sooner than later. Also, don’t start acting like a jerk or pick a fight so that your partner will break up with you and save you the guilt.
This should go without saying, but have this conversation in person. In my opinion, anyone with who you have had more than a few dates deserves the respect of a face-to-face talk. Also, you should avoid doing this in a public place if possible.
Be honest, but not brutal. Let the other person know the reasons why you two aren’t working out. You don’t, however, need to list every little thing about them that bothers you. This isn’t a mission to destroy their self-esteem, but a way to help them understand the situation and to perhaps help them in their next relationship.
Once you have said your piece, allow your partner to voice his or her feelings. Listen to their concerns and address their questions.
In general, treat this person who has been an intimate part of your life with the same respect and care that you would expect to receive.
Set For Marriage on the news in Lexington, KY!
Lexington KY 11/23/09 SetForMarriage Interview from Brad Boyd on Vimeo.
