September « 2009 « Set For Marriage Blog

29Sep/091

Rules for Texting in the Dating World

Text messaging seems like it’s here to stay, so love it or hate it, texts are now something to contend with in the dating world. According to a survey conducted by AT&T, seventy-four percent of respondents between the ages of 18-35 had flirted via text messaging, and sixty percent of respondents between the ages of 36-55 had done the same. So if text messaging is going to be a part of dating life, we should adhere to some texting etiquette.

Texting can be a great addition to your communication when dating, but should be used with restraint and not in all circumstances. Communicating via text message with a new love interest can rob you of the facets of communication that are so important to forging a relationship with someone. Phone calls are full of nervous giggles, spontaneous responses, sighs, tone and inflection of voice. Take these things away from communication, and you are missing out on a large part of getting to know a potential mate.

Limit your texts to short exchanges of information, as texts should not be a full conversation. If you have more than a few words to say to each other, pick up the phone. Also, don’t expect someone to always answer your texts right away. People have busy lives, and not everyone keeps their phone by their side all the time. In addition, if the majority of your communication with a new love interest is over text, beware. That person may not be serious about dating you if the conversation doesn’t progress to phone calls or face-to-face contact soon, so move on if texts are the extent of your relationship.

Be careful of your tone when texting, because sarcasm can easily be misconstrued over text. You don’t want to have to explain to someone that you are trying to date that you weren’t being serious with your snarky remark. Try to limit texting lingo too, because not all of us feel like decoding messages like “ROFLMAO C U L8R.”

Never ask someone out on a first date over text message. This is cowardly and rude, and sends the message that you don’t consider the person important enough to spend a few minutes on the phone asking them for a date. Pick up the phone and call, risking rejection like a grown-up. Perhaps more importantly, do not end a relationship, no matter how short-lived, via text. This is just as unforgivable as when Carrie’s boyfriend on “Sex and the City” broke up with her on a post-it note.

If we all know it’s rude to talk on the phone during a date, why do some people think it’s acceptable to text while on a date? It’s really no different, so put the phone down and give your date the courtesy of your full attention.

Text messaging does have its benefits in the realm of dating. Texting can be great for telling someone after a date that you enjoyed your time together, or for letting someone know that you’re running a few minutes late. If you keep common courtesy in mind and realize that texting has its place and time, you will navigate texting in the world of dating just fine.

Tagged as: message, messaging, phone, text, texting 1 Comment

22Sep/091

SetForMarriage.com on KIAH 39 News!

We're completely awed and humbled by the great responses we've been getting from local Houston news stations. Thanks to the great people at KIAH and a warm welcome to all of the new members! (video below)

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21Sep/091

Say Cheese: Tips for Your Profile Photo

Your dating profile is essentially an advertisement for you, and your profile photo is the first thing people will notice. If you put some thought into choosing a photo, you will have more success in attracting the right person’s attention. The following are a few tips to help you out.

1. Post a photo

Most people skip over a profile that has no photo. Many will think you don’t like the way you look, or you have something to hide (like being married). Before initiating contact, men and women want to see a photo in order to see if there is an initial attraction. If you are concerned with privacy, at least state in your profile that you are willing to share a photo with someone who is interested in talking further.

2. Don't be shy, show your face

Maybe you have a great photo of you on a motorcycle in your aviators, but that’s not a good profile picture. You need to show your eyes and face for people to get a decent idea of what you look like. Avoid hats and sunglasses, and don’t have the picture taken so far away that someone wouldn’t be able to recognize you when they meet you in person.

3. Get someone else to take your picture

When you reach your arm out and take your own photo, it’s rarely a flattering shot. Webcam pictures are also not ideal, because they are usually grainy and cast weird shadows on your face. If you don’t have any decent photos of yourself, ask a friend to take your picture.

4. Put your best face forward

Choose a photo that shows you properly groomed and in a flattering outfit. You wouldn’t show up for a first date in your bum around the house gear, so don’t let that image be the first impression for people viewing your profile. Since you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t post a photo that shows you in a provocative pose or not fully dressed.

5. Post a recent photo

I’ve heard many stories that involve a first date from a dating site showing up looking nothing like their photos online. Be honest with your image, and don’t post an old picture where you are high school skinny or had a lot more hair. You won’t fool anyone once you meet them, so there’s just nothing to gain in that approach. Love yourself the way you are!

6. Be a solo act

Your main profile photo needs to focus solely on you, so don’t use your favorite picture of you and your friends. Do not post a photo of you with your ex, where you have cut them out but we can still see their arm around you. This does not send a positive message to those viewing your photo. Also, do not include your children in the photo. This can possibly put them in an unsafe situation, and they deserve their privacy.

Tagged as: photo, picture, profile, profile photo 1 Comment

14Sep/090

Communicating: Keep the Connection

Good communication is important in a relationship. We hear this advice so often that it can feel like a cliché. However, the most annoying thing about clichés is that they are usually true. A fulfilling relationship requires productive communication on a regular basis. Here are a few tips to keep you and your partner on the same page.

1. Make time to talk.

So many couples drift apart because they don’t make an effort to stay connected. As often as you can, have a real conversation with your partner without any distractions. This means turn off the television, people. Talk about what’s going on with each other and the world around you.

2. Ask for what you want.

Life would be so much easier if our partner could just know what we want without us having to tell them. Until we all learn to read minds, you need to speak up. If you wish the two of you spent less of your time together surrounded by his friends, tell him in a nice way that you crave more alone time with him. If you really like your feet massaged after a long day, tell your partner that you’d love a foot rub now and then. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship.

3. Listen.

The most important aspect of communication in my opinion is to listen. Everyone just wants to be heard. When your partner is talking to you, understand and think about what they are saying without interrupting or formulating your response. If you sit back and let your loved one talk about what’s on their mind, they will appreciate you and your bond will stay strong.

4. Sync up your preferred methods and frequency of communication.

Some of us don’t feel like talking before our first cup of coffee in the morning, or as soon as we get home from work. You may feel smothered if your partner calls you three times a day, while others like to be in frequent contact when they are away from their loved one. You may not like to have more than a quick conversation using text messaging, or you might prefer texting to talking on the phone. Talk to each other about your preferences, and figure out a good balance that works for both of you.

Tagged as: communication, listen, talk, text No Comments

11Sep/091

Interview on MyFoxHouston!

This time, our expert relationship blogger Melissa joins in! (video below)

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9Sep/090

Set For Marriage on Click 2 Houston!

Thanks to the fine folks at KPRC Local 2 News for having us on! (video below)

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7Sep/091

5 Topics to Avoid on a First Date

First dates are meant for getting to know someone enough to decide if you want to see them again, not for uncovering all the good, bad, and ugly things about each other right from the start. Your date is just trying to see if you two might be compatible and if there is chemistry between you, so keep conversation relatively light. Avoid the following 5 topics on a first date, and you may well be on your way to a second date.

1. Your ex

Do not bring up your ex. If your date brings up the subject, it’s best to gloss over the relationship without divulging all the sordid details. Keep in mind that your date does not want to hear the whole story of your relationship and why it didn’t work out. A date is not a therapy session! Furthermore, resist the urge to speak negatively of your ex, even if they were positively heinous. This just makes you seem bitter and is a big turn-off. On the other hand, don’t gush about how great your ex was, because this gives the impression that you have not moved on. They may also wonder if they could ever live up to the ex in your mind.

2. Health issues

Unless you have a condition that is absolutely necessary for you to share right away with your date, do not talk about your medical problems on a first date. People want to have uplifting conversation on a first date, and a rundown of your physical or even mental ailments do not fit into that category.

3. Financial Difficulties

In our current economy, many people are experiencing financial hardships. However, a first date is not the time to discuss any financial difficulties you may be facing. It’s best to display a positive attitude about your situation and not get into detail about this subject.

4. Sex

Do not bring up this topic with someone you don’t know that well. The conversation has the potential to be awkward, and does not send the message that you are looking for a serious relationship. Zip it.

5. Politics and Religion

Your mother always told you that it’s bad manners to talk about religion or politics at the dinner table. As a general rule, this applies to first dates too.

Tagged as: date, ex, financial, first date, money, topics 1 Comment

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